Rumor Has It...

To the church member who started a rumor about me,

Thank you.  No, really, thank you.  You've given me the opportunity to live out what I claim to believe.  In my monthly church newsletter last month, I wrote about the importance of finding one's identity in Christ and not allowing how other people think or what they say about you affect you, and this gave me the opportunity to see if I could really walk the walk.  To be honest, I've never really experienced people gossiping about me and, at first, I laughed it off.  I mean, seriously, who would REALLY believe anything so cruel about me, but it seems that in this culture, people will believe anything in the absence of truth.  Then, I found out that, not only had this rumor been circulating for a while, but that people were questioning whether or not my parents knew about the new "relationship".  Not only did people believe that I was an adulteress (for the second time, mind you), but they were questioning the relationship between me and my parents.

I'll admit, I was very angry when I found out that little tidbit.  I mean, how dare the church treat us this way; we deserve much better.  We're the pastor's family for goodness sake!!  We deserve love and respect, not hate and gossip.  I was up the majority of the night trying to decide what I should do. I vacillated between a few different options, making a statement on Sunday morning, writing a newsletter article, saying nothing and pretending everything was normal, and working it into a children's sermon.  None of those seemed appealing to me for various reasons, I don't want to give you, the gossip, any more attention than you deserve, but I also want to make people aware of the fact that they have hurt me with their gossip and backbiting.  I wanted justice, but more than that, I wanted vengeance.

After the initial anger wore off, I realized that I'm really no better than you.  I might not have started a rumor that had the ability to damage someone's reputation in the community, but I allowed my anger to put myself above you, which is not where I belong because, while I'm not guilty of the sin you've accused me of, I am guilty of allowing my pride to control my emotions. I am guilty of anger against you.  I am guilty of believing that I deserve to be treated better simply because I am the pastor's daughter.  I allowed myself to find my identity, not in Christ, but in the harsh words that you choose to spread about me.  I began to worry about my future, my reputation, my job, and my home.  Things seemed to be finally falling into place for me.  I love my job at the daycare, and next year I get to take over the preschool classes (one of my three-year old kids in the daycare told me today that he wants to be a big boy so he can "go to Miss Maddy's class). I could actually put to use the $60, 000 education my parents paid for. I've started a new job at the teen center, in which I am a role model for the teens in this community and as such it's important that they respect me, I began to worry that this rumor could put an end to all that I've worked so hard for.

As I was driving to work yesterday, I was reminded of what I wrote last month. Not only is my identity found in Christ, but so is my hope and my future.  While I have no desire to lose the things I have in this world, I wouldn't have them if not for God.  He created me and has put me here to grow to be more like Christ, and that growth comes as a result of suffering, the kind of suffering that you have caused with you harsh words.. So, again, I thank you. Thank you for allowing me to draw closer to Christ, to again be able to find my identity at the foot of the cross, where the only perfect person gave His life as a ransom for mine, and with whom I cannot wait to spend eternity.