I recently read an article from RELEVANT Magazine about the horrible dating advice (you can read the article here: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/5-horrible-pieces-dating-advice). As I read through this article, I was reminded of all the terrible advice I've been given. At 33, I could count on one hand the number of men I've been on a date with, and I doubt I'd need even that many to count relationships that lasted past the first date. That being said, I've heard a lot of advice from various people about dating, including four of the five from the RELEVANT article.
I grew up on Disney movies like Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella, and thus I always believed that I needed a man to be complete, to be counted as worthy. I saw movies like Snow White and believed that "Someday my prince will come...". So I attempted to heed the advice I was given...I tried to just stop looking, to (as my mom would say) "Let go and let God". I tried to being "hard to get"; I wore a ring on my left hand to try to get attention (seriously!!!!). I tried to not be so picky, which turned out terribly (I blogged about it in an earlier post), but nothing lasted.
I watched my siblings, friends, co-workers and cousins pair up and marry off. I kept wondering what I had to do to make God love me, to make Him give me what I wanted. I tried to imitate my sister because clearly God loved her more. Maybe if I did what she did, I would finally find my match. I continuously compared my single life to the lives of those married folks around me and I became more and more confused. What was I doing wrong? Maybe I needed to pray more, read my bible more, fast, join a small group, "kiss dating goodbye", go to bars, join eHarmony. I tried every piece of advice I was given, but it didn't work. More than that, it left me in despair, struggling to find my place in a world full of couples.
So, if you have want to give me (or anyone else) dating advice... Don't tell me to trust God more, tell me why I need to trust God more. Remind me of the Gospel. Tell me who He is and who I am because of Him. Remind me that He is sovereign, that He is good, that He loves me. Tell me how He has worked in your life. Don't just tell me what I need to do! I have been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I I need more than a to-do list. I need the Gospel. I need to know that I am loved because Jesus gave His life as a substitution for mine; that I am righteous because He is righteous, that I am worthy because He makes me worthy, not because I am married. I need to know that in His sovereignty and goodness, God has given me everything I need, that I don't need a spouse to "complete me" because that can only be found in Christ, our heavenly bridegroom.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Friday, June 6, 2014
I know the way out...
I was watching an episode from the second season of "The West Wing", a show that chronicles the lives of senior staff members in the White House. In the first season, the deputy chief of staff, Josh Lyman, was shot as the president and staff were leaving a town hall meeting, and in this episode, Josh was suffering from PTSD and was reliving the night of the shooting. As his behavior spins out of control (he actually yells at the president in the Oval Office!!), he is assigned to meet with (fictional) American Trauma Victims Association to discuss his erratic behavior and, ultimately, his self-destructive behavior(he put his hand through a window in his apartment). At the end of his meeting with the trauma specialist, he meets with the chief of staff, Leo, to discuss his diagnosis and Leo tells him this story...
This story reminded me of Galatians 6:1, where Paul tells the church in Galatia," Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently." The word "caught" in the original language has an element of surprise to it. It reminds me of the movie "Finding Nemo". Near the end of the movie, just as Nemo and his father were reunited, Dory(the blue fish who helped reunite father and son) was just swimming along minding her own business when she was suddenly caught up in a fishing net with other fish. That's what "caught" means here in this verse. Dory certainly wasn't looking to be in that net with other fish to be someone's dinner; it happened quickly and she was trapped with no way to free herself. Fortunately Dory had Nemo, who had heard a story about fish working together to free themselves, and immediately swims into the net to rescue Dory and all the other fish by getting them all to "swim down". His father, Marlin, immediately protests(having just been reunited with him), but Nemo insists, "It's the only way we can save Dory!". You can sense the anxiety Marlin has in letting his newly freed son willingly put himself in danger, and it's amazing to watch as they encourage all the fish to "swim down" and "just keep swimming" and to finally see the net break and the fish swim free.
Dory and Josh were both "caught" in a situation out of their own control. They both need to be rescued from their "net", and the best person to do that is one who has fought the battle before and won because only they know the pain and frustration and only they know the best way out. For Josh that person was Leo, a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, and for Dory it was Nemo, a little clown fish with a "lucky" fin who had heard about a group of fish defeating a fisherman by swimming down all together.
This is how we as Christians should approach a brother or sister who is "caught in a sin," understanding that they need to be rescued, sought after, restored. As Christians, we are called to be that person for each other because God did it for us first. He sent Jesus down into our "hole" to rescue us not because Jesus could guide us to the way out, but because Jesus is our way out. In the Old Testament, we see that God's law required sacrifices by the Israelites to satisfy God's wrath for man's sin. It couldn't just be any sacrifice, though, God required a lamb or bull without defect to atone for man's sinful ways. Only Jesus could be that perfect lamb and it was only through His death on the cross that God's justice was fully satisfied and sin's hold on us finally broken. Jesus fully satisfied God for me and for you, and because of that we are free, free to jump into holes and swim into nets to rescue our brothers and sisters because we have already been rescued.
"This guy is walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out. A doctor passes by, the guy shouts up, 'Hey you, can you help me out!' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole, can you help me out!' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by, 'Hey Joe, it's me can you help me out.', and the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid, now we're both down here.' The friends says, 'Yea, but I've been down here before and I know the way out'."
This story reminded me of Galatians 6:1, where Paul tells the church in Galatia," Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently." The word "caught" in the original language has an element of surprise to it. It reminds me of the movie "Finding Nemo". Near the end of the movie, just as Nemo and his father were reunited, Dory(the blue fish who helped reunite father and son) was just swimming along minding her own business when she was suddenly caught up in a fishing net with other fish. That's what "caught" means here in this verse. Dory certainly wasn't looking to be in that net with other fish to be someone's dinner; it happened quickly and she was trapped with no way to free herself. Fortunately Dory had Nemo, who had heard a story about fish working together to free themselves, and immediately swims into the net to rescue Dory and all the other fish by getting them all to "swim down". His father, Marlin, immediately protests(having just been reunited with him), but Nemo insists, "It's the only way we can save Dory!". You can sense the anxiety Marlin has in letting his newly freed son willingly put himself in danger, and it's amazing to watch as they encourage all the fish to "swim down" and "just keep swimming" and to finally see the net break and the fish swim free.
Dory and Josh were both "caught" in a situation out of their own control. They both need to be rescued from their "net", and the best person to do that is one who has fought the battle before and won because only they know the pain and frustration and only they know the best way out. For Josh that person was Leo, a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, and for Dory it was Nemo, a little clown fish with a "lucky" fin who had heard about a group of fish defeating a fisherman by swimming down all together.
This is how we as Christians should approach a brother or sister who is "caught in a sin," understanding that they need to be rescued, sought after, restored. As Christians, we are called to be that person for each other because God did it for us first. He sent Jesus down into our "hole" to rescue us not because Jesus could guide us to the way out, but because Jesus is our way out. In the Old Testament, we see that God's law required sacrifices by the Israelites to satisfy God's wrath for man's sin. It couldn't just be any sacrifice, though, God required a lamb or bull without defect to atone for man's sinful ways. Only Jesus could be that perfect lamb and it was only through His death on the cross that God's justice was fully satisfied and sin's hold on us finally broken. Jesus fully satisfied God for me and for you, and because of that we are free, free to jump into holes and swim into nets to rescue our brothers and sisters because we have already been rescued.
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