Why Peacemaking?

I hate conflict.  My brain automatically goes into “fight or flight” mode.   My mind goes blank, my heart races, my palms get sweaty, my hands shake and my stomach feels queasy. I can’t speak, move or even process what is happening. My hatred (or fear) of conflict is so strong that if a movie, tv show or even a news interview gets heated, I will change the channel. When I was younger, if a classmate was being disciplined by a teacher, I would look down and try to pretend that I was anywhere else.Things only got worse when I became an adult.  I had never learned how to properly apologize to someone or to take responsibility for my own actions or feelings much less how to communicate to someone how they had hurt me.  Any problem I had became about who was to blame.  My parents, siblings, I even blamed God for making me this way. I firmly believed that if God loved me enough, if I could just be good enough, that I would never have any problems. 
When I was living in North Carolina, my doctor diagnosed me with social anxiety disorder, and put me on an antidepressant.  It helped for awhile, but it wasn’t a magic pill that just made my problems disappear. My relationships continued to suffer from my inability to apologize and talk to others about how I was feeling.  Anytime someone disappointed me, I would cut them off completely.  No need to hear apologies or explanations, they were now my enemy. I left friendships, churches and jobs.
Then a sermon Pastor Mike gave on relationships(an exposition on John C. Maxwell’s book Relationships 101) made me think I wasn’t alone in my hatred of conflict, that maybe there were others out there who had the same struggles I had. The sermon was a good foundation, but I still had questions that that sermon hadn’t answered.   I wanted to dig deeper into what scripture had to say about relationships, specifically about conflict resolution. I wanted to help people learn, understand and practice biblical principles that led to healthy relationships.  I wanted to teach what I had never been taught.  I looked into many different resources, but nothing had the biblical perspective.   There was nothing about considering glorifying God, owning my own part in a conflict or considering the other person.  I was ready to give up, but God had other plans.
We were headed to dinner one night, and as we all packed into our van, something caught my eye. On the floor of the van was a catalog for CBD, Christian Book Distributors.  It was open and I immediately noticed two books, Resolving Everyday Conflict and The Peacemaker both by Ken Sande. As I read the description for each book, I felt my prayer had been answered. I was so excited to read them, I downloaded them on my iPod as soon as we got home. 
As I began to read, I immediately saw myself in the stories Ken told.  As he described his “slippery slope of conflict”, I began to understand myself and God’s purpose for conflict more clearly.  I began to see how conflict could be something good rather than something to be avoided. I saw that conflict could be a way for God to teach and grow me while bringing me back to Him.  While I still experienced conflict,  I started to consider how I could glorify God in each situation.   I began to see conflict through the lense of the Gospel, rather than my own needs, fears and desires.  
If you find yourself struggling with relationships, I invite you to stay after church on Sunday, September 1. We will be having a “lunch and learn” after service to share more about the basic principles of peacemaking.  Classes will be Sunday mornings at 8:30, Monday mornings at 10:00, Monday nights at 6:30 and Wednesday nights at 7:00, starting Sunday, September 8.  The Wednesday night session will be doing something a little different, so I encourage those of you who have already been through the video sessions to check it out.  If these days and times don’t work for you, please email me, almaddy81@gmail.com  and I will work to find a time that suits you.
Blessings,
Amanda